Number's up

HENK Kayser says he also has a special gripe about queueing, but offers a solution as well. The Chiel wrote about lining up this week and wondered why more places didn't use the single line, multi-counter process which works so well and is fairer to all.

"It happened twice this year that there was a reasonable queue when I arrived and I estimated a wait of about 20 minutes. Wrong, because ahead of me was a 'professional queuer' who had about 50 or so renewal forms from people who do not like queueing or do not have the time for it and pay such a person to queue for them for a fee.

"A 20-minute wait then turns quickly into an hour or more. There should be a special counter for such people."

(Actually I always thought they got special treatment and slipped around the back.)

He continues: "I saw the solution to the queueing problem in the Netherlands. There are no queues in banks, post offices and government offices. When one enters one sees people standing around in groups or sitting on benches and only one person at a counter. On entering there is a box where one takes a number and waits until the number appears on a little screen above the counter. Simple and efficient and it totally obviates jumping the queue."

Yes, great idea. The Chiels came across that too at Victoria Bus Station in London last year when buying a ticket to Oxford.

The simpler version used in some places here is still to queue, but without being given your own number, and any assistant who is free touches a button on his/her desk which lights the number of their counter on the screen (as Henk says) in front of the queue so you know they're free to deal with you.

Johannesburg International Airport could do with that because it's difficult to see far down the check-in counters. They've just installed green lights above each which should help as long as they remember to switch off when they're busy again.

Of course some of the fast food outlets use the number story as well. You make your order, pay the amount and get issued with a receipt with a number on it. Then you stand back, twiddle thumbs until your number comes up to be called to collect your little pakkie of nosh.

So, as we see, there are many ways to skin this cat but some of the more imaginative ones could well be used more often here to reduce queueing blues.

Chestnut glory

EAST London has to be known as Coral Tree City which it looked like to everyone's delight during winter and spring this year. They were better than ever across the city. They're over now and it seems to be the turn of exotics ... bauhinias are out and flamboyants will be flaming across gardens and lighting up streets soon. I always think of them as our own Christmas trees.

What makes them extra special is that they are, of course, like coral trees, indigenous to this area and make a lovely bold show, each when in full bloom rather like a giant pink light bulb.

Pitt tells me he got them as seedlings from the late Dr John Leslie's mother's garden in Vincent. She had a huge specimen in her garden which dropped seed that germinated.

So if lucky beans turn easily into giant coral trees, there's no reason why we shouldn't have more Cape chestnuts around town, especially as they have different flowering times.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

There are some things one can only achieve by a deliberate leap in the opposite direction. One has to go abroad in order to find the home one has lost - Franz Kafka, Austrian author (1883-1924)

FROM OUR FILES

NOVEMBER 19, 1954: There were earth tremors in many parts of the Free State yesterday. Bloemfontein residents were awakened at about 3am and other reports of tremors came from Marquard, Brandfort, Winburg, Excelsior and Verkeerdevlei. There were isolated cases of broken crockery and damage to buildings in Marquard.

NOVEMBER 19, 1974: The film of the world title fight between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman being shown in East London is worth seeing - because it is the laugh of the century, not the fight of the century as it was billed. George Foreman's lethal fists seem to have no effect on the casual Ali, while Ali seems to have little trouble in easing away from the powder-puff punches. Ali would head for the ropes and Foreman would swing wildly, seemingly without effect. The final farce was the count-out in the eighth round. At the count of eight Foreman, almost too casually, gets up and heads straight for his corner. One can't help feeling it was fixed. It was all too easy for Ali. - Des Cooney.

TAILPIECE

A very attractive woman goes up to the cash register in a restaurant. She gestures to a man behind the counter, who, after viewing her assets, comes over immediately. When he arrives she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which slowly turns red.

"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replies. "I'm the manager."

"Can you get the owner for me? I need to speak to him," she continues, running her hands up behind his ears and through his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," he breathes. "He's not in today. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily.

"Tell him," she says, "that there is no toilet paper or soap in the ladies' room."