The

Chiel

This crazy country

FORTUNATELY we South Africans don't take ourselves too seriously...perhaps we should a little more in some aspects of our lives as in the Need to get tough article I wrote the other day...but at least we can also laugh at ourselves.

President Mandela showed us the other day we shouldn't be too offended when we are called names or poked fun at. Hail Madiba. He set an example we should all keep in mind when barbed words are spoken or written.

Here's something that takes the mickey out of us. It came off the Internet and is called Topkapi's Tasteless Jokes -- Our beloved country!

You know you are in South Africa when:

*you realise after watching the news on TV that nothing happened in the rest of the world.

*to alleviate congestion in post office queues, they bring in the innovative idea of selling scratch cards ...

*you are expected to carry a driver's licence that doesn't fit into your wallet.

*the fact that there is an election and people are standing in line waiting to vote is more important than the result of the election.

*the police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle of the night but rather speed past and drive to your nearest police station.

*people would rather be killed in their beds than live in some country where they would have to get up and make it themselves.

*people tell you that they wouldn't live anywhere else because the weather is so bad over there.

*a minibus taxi overtakes you, just to stop right in front of you.

*when the road narrows, the guy behind you has right of way.

*you don't stop at a red traffic light in case somebody hijacks your car.

*votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.

*you have to prove you don't need a loan to get one.

*a shop assistant makes you feel as if he/she is doing you a favour by letting you buy from that shop.

*your insurance is higher than the repayments on your car.

*you consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.

*Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.

*people start joking about the crime rate.

*the police ask if they should follow up on the burglary you've just reported.

*you paint your car's registration number on the roof in large letters.

*when Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans programme, and a Pedi ad.

*the government has more opposition from themselves, than from any opposition party.

*a minister is fired, and returns the government cell phone, but keeps the G number-plated BMW.

*a 45-year-old engineer is replaced by a 25 year old who cannot write his own name.

That's all today -- more some other time.

Thought for today

Our civilisation is still in a middle stage, no longer wholly guided by instinct, not yet wholly guided by reason -- Theodore Dreiser, American author (1871-1945).

EL pageant scrapped

From our files ...

February 7, 1948: Plans for East London's centenary historical pageant -- which was to have been held from March 8-13 -- have been abandoned. This will not affect the Centenary Queen and Pageant Leader beauty competition which is being staged. The main reason for cancellation was the lack of support given to the organisers and the apathy of East Londoners, while the Coloured community have flatly refused to co-operate because of exclusion from the Carnival Week celebrations.

February 7, 1968: Two Transkeian students have been granted permission by the government to take up civil engineering at the University of Witwatersrand. They are Mr E L Moahloli, 25, and Mr G B N Mdoda, 23, who are BSc graduates of the University College of Fort Hare. It is believed they are the first Transkeian students to be admitted to a White university since Wits' doors were closed to Africans by the contentious Extension of Universities Act, 1959. Both have been granted bursaries by the Transkei government.

Tailpiece

A fit young fellow was out jogging when he noticed an elderly man hobbling along, obviously in some pain. As he trotted past, the young man asked sympathetically: "Old war injury?"